Honesty Week

It was three years ago, and I was on the edge. I couldn’t take it anymore. I was tired of sitting in meeting after meeting and not telling the truth. I wasn’t lying – I just wasn’t answering with complete honesty. I was trying to be nice. I was trying to be civil. Was that lying? Was that wrong? Is a half-truth a half-lie? I just remember wishing I had the courage to answer truthfully. Something needed to be done… I needed a plan.

Debbie walked up to me and asked, “What’s this I hear about what you’re trying to do?” I proudly answered, “I’m trying to institute Honesty Week here at the office.” I detailed my great plan to make the office a better place by being honest with one another. After I explained the ground rules, she looked at me and said, “Honesty Week? Your plan won’t last 15 minutes. As humans, we are not equipped to be honest with one another”.

I’m not sure what disappointed me more: That my social experiment had been squashed before I ever launched it, or that Debbie was right. I know that many strive to be kind people – but does being nice trump telling someone the truth? Are we not doing them a disservice by not being honest with them? I believe Reverend Nicholson said it perfectly in 1992’s “A Few Good Men”…

You want answers?

I want the truth.

You can’t handle the truth.

Amen, Jack. Hearing the truth would blow our minds. Debbie was right. We are not equipped for this. When did we become prisoners to white lies, half lies and I’m going to lie to you because I don’t want to hurt your feelings lies? What about knowing exactly where you stand with your family, friends and co-workers? What if we could just be honest with one another? Can’t we all just tell the truth?

Some of you think that the only honest person in America is Simon Cowell. While he may be honest, he’s more than likely perceived as cruel and rude before being recognized for his honesty. Just look at all the singers’ faces when they look at Paula and Randy, and then they hesitantly look at Simon. They know the truth is coming, they’re just hoping it doesn’t hurt.

While Simon being Simon is a huge hook on that show, he could probably stand to be a little less rude and a bit more tactful. You can still tell the truth without devastating someone at the same time. Or can you? Where did the expression “The truth hurts” come from anyway? Was someone trying to be honest?

I watched Idol on Tuesday night, and it was very interesting to see David Cook after his performance. His biggest reaction of joy and relief came after Simon told him he was awesome. David knew that while Simon had the opportunity and power to say whatever he wanted – the truth was so more fulfilling, at least in this particular case – and it was perceived as valid, because it was coming from “the honest guy”.

I would like to take a quick moment to say thank you to David Cook. I did not know other words to Billie Jean existed other than, 

“Bille Jean is not my lover, he heee, sha-mon, he heeee

(moonwalk, leg kick, neck twitch, pelvic thrust, throw your hat)

She’ just a girl that says I am the one… he heeeeee, oooowwwwwww”

That’s at least how I always performed it. And speaking of AI, what’s the deal with Paula? I don’t mind the weight gain, weight loss and medicated/drunkenness during the show – but it’s that clap of hers that I can’t get over. How does she not know how to clap? Her arms are as outstretched as possible and she barely touches her hands when clapping. She looks like a sea lion out there. I’m waiting for the arrrrfff, arrrrfffff, arrrffffffff noises to come next. Somebody throw her a squid next time. Bend your elbows and clap your hands already. They should also make a NOISE when they touch. Where was I?

The type of honesty I’m talking about is the kind that no longer challenges us in every day conversations. We are so committed to sugarcoating and not hurting a friends/spouces/realtives feelings that we don’t even realize that we are walking around as liars. Seems like the most honest conversations with people start with “off the record”, or end with “keep it on the DL”.

Here are a few examples of what honesty sounds like, in case you’ve only ever heard it in your head…

Dentist: Joe, have you been flossing?

Joe: Nope. I haven’t flossed since the last time I was here. I did brush my teeth for an extra 10 minutes this morning hoping to pull the wool over your eyes…

 

Wife: Does my butt look huge in these jeans?

Husband: Yes.

Wife: Sweetie, what are you thinking?

Husband: Know that woman we saw jogging an hour ago? I’m thinking about her. What are you thinking of?

Wife: I’m thinking of the shirtless man that was jogging behind her.

Husband: Huh, that’s funny…

Daycare worker: Mrs. Smith, you have to come pick up your child he’s sick.

Mom: Really? Still sick?

Daycare worker: You knew your child was sick?

Mom: Yes I did. He was up all night, threw up three times on the drive in and was running a low-grade fever at the time. I was hoping to sneak him in because I had an important meeting, and coincidentally I have no consideration for the other families that may be affected.

On January 23^rd, Fox debuted a show called “Moment of Truth”, where contestants are asked personal questions while hooked up to a lie detector. The person that answers all the questions truthfully wins a butt-load of money. Is this really happening? Is America really tuning in to see if someone will actually go through with this horrendous action called the truth?

If the Duke brothers could turn Billy Ray Valentine from street criminal to stock market wiz with a social experiment, imagine what we could do? I truly believe this can be one of those “Pay it Forward” movements that can sweep this country. Why not us? Let’s be honest… at least for a week. I challenge us all tell the truth for the next 7 days. Here are 5 easy ground rules:

1.) You can only be honest when asked a question. You just can’t walk around telling people how they look, or what you think about everything under the sun – unless you are asked.

2.) You cannot be rude, cruel or disrespectful on purpose. Just answer the question. Here’s an example of the right and wrong kind of honesty…

Right:

Does my butt look huge in these jeans? Yes.

Wrong:

Does my butt look huge in these jeans? Yes. You should do something with your hair as well – and a little more make-up to cover those blemishes wouldn’t hurt either.

3.) Unless you’ve broken the law, there are NO repercussions for your honesty. The other party CANNOT hold your honesty against you – and cannot retaliate with their own honesty, unless asked a question.

4.) There are no personal third party questions. In other words, you cannot ask me a question about someone else that we both know. You can ask me what I think of Hillary or McCain, since I don’t know either of them, but you can’t ask me to comment on my co-workers. That’s just not right.

5.) You are allowed to lure someone into asking a question. Let’s say for example, that your sister is a terrible driver – but you’ve never had the courage to tell her. You are allowed to roll down the window, act sick and moan and groan until she finally asks what’s wrong. I’ll tell you what’s wrong… your driving is making me car sick… and so on.

I believe we can really start something here by being honest. Who knows, maybe this will catch on and someday we can have a national “Truth Day”. If you’re nervous about it, I have an out for you. When asked a question, you can ask back, “Honestly?”  If the answer is yes, give ‘em the truth brothers and sisters.

Go out and be honest this week, and let me know how that works out for you. I, on the other hand will have a warning sign on my door: Only ask… if you want the truth. After all, it is Honesty Week.

 

Streams of Unconsciousness 2008 Blog Brackets

CONGRATULATIONS TO ROCKEFELLAR SHANKLIN!!!

If Ron wears his KU sweater tomorrow, I’m going to pee in his gas tank.

 

 

	1	2	3	4	5	6	TOTAL		Champs
Rockefeller Shank	26	20	15	12	5	6	84		KU
Will-Rams	26	20	16	8	5	6	81		KU
Walking Girl	24	19	15	12	10		80		MEM
Man of Steele	24	18	15	12	5	6	80		KU
Sharona	23	23	15	8	10		79		MEM
Buck Naked	23	21	15	12	5		76
Hay Seuss	30	20	12	12			74
1NationUnderAl	21	21	18	12			72
White Powell	25	21	12	8	5		71
Tight Shirt Micah	26	18	13	12			69
Bobo	26	19	15	8			68
DeFabuloso	25	20	12	8			65
Super Shwahh	24	16	16	8			64
Soup Nazi	27	10	9	8			54
Clifford TBRD	23	18	12	0			53
Can of Curry	21	14	9	4			48
DJ B in the House	16	12	12	4			44